What Is the Best Thing to Do With a Colt With Five Hooves?
The Story of the Five Hoofed Colts
On what seemed like a normal Sunday afternoon, a army of beasts was released into the world that changed history forever. The brainchild of one Samuel Colt, the beast army would one day travel the world with their extra hoofs in search of the best thing.
But what is the best thing?
What is the best thing? It is a question that has long plagued the inquisitive minds of histories greatest thinkers. For some it is a long walk on a beach, for others it is a midnight bacon run. But what is the best thing for a colt with five hooves? Its easy to see that a colt with three hooves would wish for a fourth. It is as if asking a rich man if he wants more money. Sometimes less hoof is more hoof.
But who or what is a Colt?
What or who is this mysterious colt? Is it a group of Halley's Comet worshipers? (Probably not as that word is spelled with a 'u') Is it the proper name for a farm animal? Absolutely not. Colt is the last name of Samuel Colt, the inventor of the Colt 45 Hand Gun. Born in 1993 Colt spent his childhood playing with guns and chemically engineering calf fetuses. He was a bright young man who was misunderstood by his peers. On his 22 birthday he found that by breeding twenty cows with a centipede he could create a herd of five hoof calfs. His army, The 5 Hoofed Colts, became a force more powerful than anything anyone had ever seen. He used his unstoppable heifer to hijack the worlds milk supply and hold the world hostage. Without milk, the human race became permanently lactose intolerant and wimpy.
One Man, Five Hooves
Colt lived out his days one hoof at a time. As his army of five legged milk tanks stormed the beaches of the world, calcium deprived humans failed to fight back. The legendary pentagram hoof march of 1995 rid the world of four legged cows. People tried goat milk and soy milk but this only added to their wimpiness.
The 4 hoofed cows of the world could not compete with their well endowed counterparts. They simply had been out hoofed. Citizens of Earth unhappily threw out the world's supply of liquid chocolate to help them forget about the good old days of chocolate milk.
